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第5章 爱在无语时Words from a Father2(第1页)

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第5章爱在无语时WordsfromaFather(2)

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Inhisroom,Daretchedoutoartedtoleaveforthetriphome.Itriedtothiosaytogivehimdceashestartedthisnewphaseoflife.Again,wordsfailedme.Imumbledsomethinglike,“HopeyoufeelbetterDan.”

A.

Now,asIstoodbeforehim,Ithoughtofthoselostopportunities.Howmanytimeshaveweallletsuentspass?Aboygraduatesfromschool,adaughtergetsmarried.Weghthemotionsofthey,butwedoourandfitotellthemwhattheyhavemeanttous.Orwhattheymightexpecttofatheyearsahead.

Howfasttheyearshadpassed.DanielwasborninNewOrleans,LA.,in1962,slowtowalkandtalk,andsmallofstature.Hewasthetiinhisclass,buthedeveloingnatureandularwithhispeers.Hewasatedandagile,andhebecameadeptinsports.

Baseballgavehimhisearliestge.HewasanoutstandileLeague,aually,asasenihsadethevarsity,winninghalftheteam’sgameswitharecordoffivewinsandtwolosses.Atgraduation,theedDaeam’smostvaluableplayer.

Hisfihough,cameataschoolscefair.Heenteredashowiorysystemworks.Itrimitiveandcrude,espeparedtothefanputerized,blinking-lightmodelseherstudents.Mywife,Sara,feltembarrassedforhi

Itturhattheotherkidshadheirowshadmadetheirexhibits.Asthejudgeswentontheirrouhattheseotherkids’taions.DanielansweredeveryohejudgesawardedtheAlbertEinsteihebestexhibit,theygaveittohi

BythetimeDafehestoodsixfeettallandweighed170pounds.Hewasmusdiion,buthe,havinggivenupbaseballflishliterature.Iwassorrythathewouldnotdevelophisathletit,butproudthathehadmadesuchamaturede.

&oldDahegreatfailinginmylifehadbeenthatIdidn’ttakeayearortwoofftotravelwhenIfinishedcollege.Thisisthebestway,tomywayofthinking,tobroadenoneselfanddevelerperspelife.OnceIhadmarriedandbegunw,Ifoundthatthedreamoflivingiurehadvanished.

&aboutthis.Hisfriendssaidthathewouldbeihishold.Buthedecideditwasn’tsocrazy.Aftergraduation,heworkedasawaiteratcollege,abikemessengeraer.Withthemoneyheearned,hehadenoughtogotoParis.

&beforehewastoleave,Itossediryingtofigureoutsomethingtosay.Nothiomihought,itwasosayanything.

Whatdoesitmatterinthecourseofalife-timeifafatherellsasohinksofhim?ButasIstoodbeforeDadoesmatter.Myfatheraher.Yet,Ialwaysregrettedneverhearinghimputhisfeelingsintowordsandneverhavihatmoment.Now,Icouldfeelmypalmssweatandmythroattighten.Whyisitsohardtotellasohingfromtheheart?Mymouthturneddry,andIknewIwouldbeabletogetoutonlyafew

“Daniel,”

Isaid,“ifIcouldhavepicked,Iickedyou.”

That’sallIcouldsay.Iwasn’tsureheuoodwhatImeaowardmeandthrewhisarmsaroundme.Foramoment,theworldandallitspeoplevaherewasjustDanielandmeihesea.Hewassayimyeyesmistedover,andI’tuandwhathewassaying.AllIasthestubbleonhisashisfacepressedagaiheeowork,aafewhourslaterwithhisgirlfriend.

Thatwassevenweeksago,andIthinkabouthimwhenIwalkalongthebeaweekends.Thousandsofmilesaway,somewhereoutpasttheowavesbreakiedshhtbesgacrossBermain,strhamustyhallwayoftheLanelbowiBaIhadsaidtoDanielwasdtrite.Itwasnothiwaseverything.

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