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你是我的阳光MyFather’sShadow
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琳达·钦·斯莱奇LindagSledge
Myhusband，Gary，aoHawaiifromNewYorkCitytoshowourfive-month-oldson，Timmy，tomyparentsforthefirsttime.Butwhatshouldhavebeenamissionofjoyfilledmerehension.ForfiveyearsI’dhardlyspokentomyfather.Lovihemaypicalofesefathers，hehadmadeparticulardemahoughwewereverymuchalike，we’dgroart.
Wheeeherheldupmymotherasamodeloffemininebehavior.Butshewasgregariousandsocial，whileIpreferredbookstoparties.Hepressedmetomihhisfriends’.Iinsistedonyownpanions.HeassumedI’dfollowistepsandenrollintheloiversitytostudyteadthatI’dmarryihe-establishedesetheislaledown，asheandmymotherhad.
ButIdidle.Asbullheadedasmyfather，IescapedtotheUyofia，whereIfellihahaole，aswecalledsfromthemainland.Garyhadbluehaoleeyesandsandyhaolehair.Iaweweregettingmarried-iHawaii.Nohuge，clamorousweddingforme.MypareGaryjusttwodaysbeforeoursmall，simplewedding.AfterwardwemovedtoNewYork，asfarfromtheislandsaswecouldgetwithoutleavingAmerisoil.
Myfather’ssubsequeedroval.Hedidn’tvisit;herdidI.Wheelephoned，heospeaktome，andIneveraskedforhiWemighthavegohehabitofseparatiiestrahenTimmywasborn，aaidalpullbacktotheislands.
OnthelongflighttoHawaii，memoriesofmychildhood，whenIwasmyfather’ssmallshadow，camefloodingback.Iwasthreeyearsbehindhimashewalkedbetweereesiioaughthighschool.Wheired，hecarriedmeonhisshoulders.FromthereIcouldseeforever.“Youaremysunshine，myonlysunshine，”
hewouldsing.“Youmakemehappywhenskiesaregray.”
Ilaughed，takiionasmydue.
Naldaughterwasreturningwiththefirstborgeion-ahazel-eyed，golden-skinnedhapahaole（half-white（
childwholookedlittlelikehiscestors.Howwouldmyfatherreact?IfhedisapprovedofTimmy，ashehadofme，thebreauswouldbeplete，Iwouldurn.
Theplanelanded，andIgratefullyplacedag，hungryTimmyintomymerarms.Herewasinstantandunalaceofachildbyhisgrandmother.
Myfather’sexpressionassiveandhardtreeteduspolitely:“Goodtrip?”
TheiouslyatTimmy，whopromptlybegahersteppedbaalarDidhefihatthissquallibehisownfleshandblood?Afterdimyparents’house，GaryaomyoldbedrooMymothertuckedTimmyintoaborrowedaroomdo
Fourhourslatermotherinstinctpulledmefromsleep.ThiswasthetimeTimmyusuallywokeforabottle，buttherewerenocriesofhunger，fulwails.Instead，Iheardo，sleofbabylaughter.Itiptoeddo>
Inthelivingroom，Timmylayonapillowonthefloori，hisplump，tinyfistsaggleefully.Hestudiedthefa，anAsianfaeddarkbytheHawaiiansun，withlaughwriheersoftheeyes.MyfatherwasgivingTimmyabottle，tighistummyandgsoftly，“Youaremysunshine……”
Iwatthedarkwantihespell，theomyrooItwastheosuspectthatmyfatherhadwahebreachasmuchasIhad.Aroud，hehadn’tknownhow，aimmybecamethebridgeoverwhichwecouldreachforeachother.Fortherestofourstay，thetensionslowlymelted.MyfatherandIdidn’tdiscussourriftdirekstoTimmy，wedido.Havingclaimedhishapahaolegrandson，myfathernolongerdefinedourfamilybyuures.Curly-haired，hazel-eyedTimmywaslovedforhimself.
&otheislandsthefollowiimmy，nowatoddler，splashedihhisgrahesummerafterthat，theybuiltatreehouseoutofscraplumberablue.
Sopleasedwasmyfatherwithhisnewgrausthathetookearlyretiremeimmywasfour，tospeimevisitinghis“NewYorkfamily.”
Mysonandmyfathermadeahandsomepairastheywalkedtogether-theesegrandfatherhappilytrailedbyadifferent，boungshadow.
我和丈夫加里要从纽约乘飞机去夏威夷的父母家，为的是让五个月大的儿子蒂米与我们的父母见第一次面。
然而，这次本应快乐的旅行，却让我忧心忡忡。
五年了，我几乎没有同父亲讲过话。
中国父亲典型的慈爱而又严厉的特性，使得父亲对我的要求很苛刻。
尽管我们父女性格很相像，但是我们还是变得越来越疏远。
我十几岁大的时候，父亲就把母亲树立成我的女性行为典范。
母亲擅长社交，而我更喜欢读书，而不是参加聚会。
父亲强制要求我与他朋友的孩子们打成一片，而我坚持要自己选择自己的朋友。
他设想着我能步母亲的后尘，在当地的大学学习师范专业，之后与一位夏威夷群岛上定居已久的某个华人家族的男子结婚，就像他和母亲一样。
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