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递给母亲的甜蜜抚慰SqueezeMyHandahatILoveYou
玛丽·马尔丹特MaryMarte
Rememberwhenyouwereadyoufellandhurtyourself?Doyourememberwhatyourmotherdidtoeasethepain?MymraceRose,wouldpickmeup,carrymetoherbed,sitmedownandkissmy“owwie”
.Theonthebedbesideme,takemyhandinhersandsay,“Whenithurts,squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”
OverandoverI’dsqueezeherhaime,withoutfail,Iheardthewords,“Mary,Iloveyou.”
&imes,I’dfiendijusttohavethatritualwithher.AsIgrewup,theritualged,butshealwaysfoundaainahejoyIfeltinanyareaofmylife.Ondifficultdaysduringhighschool,she’dofferherfavoriteHersheyournedhmy20s,MomofteosuggestaspontaneouspichatEstabrookParkjusttocelebrateawarm,sunnydayinWis.Ahahank-younotearrivediereverysisheandmyfathermadetomyhmeofhowspecialIwastoher.
ButthemostmemorableritualremainedherholdingmyhandwhenIwasadsayis,squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”
,whenIwasinmylate30s,followingavisitbymyparebefore,myfatherphoaysandingandhisdires,butIheardandpanihisvoice.“Mary,something’swrongwithyourmotherandIdon’tknowwhattodo.Pleaseeoverasquicklyasyou.”
&edrivetomyparents’homefilledmewithdread,weningtomymother.WhenIarrived,IfoundDadpathekitdMomlyingontheirbed.Hereyesweredherhaedoomach.Icalledttokeepmyvoiceasom,I’mhere.”
“Mary?”
“Yes,Mo”
“Mary,isthatyou?”
“Yes,Mom,it’sme.”
Iaredfortheion,andwhe,Ifroze,notknowing>
“Mary,amIgoingtodie?”
TearswelledupinsidemeasIlookedatmyloviheresohelpless.
Mythoughtsratilthisquestionind:WhatwouldMomsay?
Ipausedforamomentthatseemedlikeamillioio,Idon’tknowifytodie,butifyou’sokay.Iloveyou.”
Sheary,Ihurtsomuch.”
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