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递给母亲的甜蜜抚慰SqueezeMyHandahatILoveYou
玛丽·马尔丹特MaryMarte
Rememberwhenyouwereadyoufellandhurtyourself?Doyourememberwhatyourmotherdidtoeasethepain?MymraceRose，wouldpickmeup，carrymetoherbed，sitmedownandkissmy“owwie”
.Theonthebedbesideme，takemyhandinhersandsay，“Whenithurts，squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”
OverandoverI’dsqueezeherhaime，withoutfail，Iheardthewords，“Mary，Iloveyou.”
&imes，I’dfiendijusttohavethatritualwithher.AsIgrewup，theritualged，butshealwaysfoundaainahejoyIfeltinanyareaofmylife.Ondifficultdaysduringhighschool，she’dofferherfavoriteHersheyournedhmy20s，MomofteosuggestaspontaneouspichatEstabrookParkjusttocelebrateawarm，sunnydayinWis.Ahahank-younotearrivediereverysisheandmyfathermadetomyhmeofhowspecialIwastoher.
ButthemostmemorableritualremainedherholdingmyhandwhenIwasadsayis，squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”
，whenIwasinmylate30s，followingavisitbymyparebefore，myfatherphoaysandingandhisdires，butIheardandpanihisvoice.“Mary，something’swrongwithyourmotherandIdon’tknowwhattodo.Pleaseeoverasquicklyasyou.”
&edrivetomyparents’homefilledmewithdread，weningtomymother.WhenIarrived，IfoundDadpathekitdMomlyingontheirbed.Hereyesweredherhaedoomach.Icalledttokeepmyvoiceasom，I’mhere.”
“Mary?”
“Yes，Mo”
“Mary，isthatyou?”
“Yes，Mom，it’sme.”
Iaredfortheion，andwhe，Ifroze，notknowing>
“Mary，amIgoingtodie?”
TearswelledupinsidemeasIlookedatmyloviheresohelpless.
Mythoughtsratilthisquestionind:WhatwouldMomsay?
Ipausedforamomentthatseemedlikeamillioio，Idon’tknowifytodie，butifyou’sokay.Iloveyou.”
Sheary，Ihurtsomuch.”
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